Speaking of crushes

I think I have a new crush. Though I’m not sure if it qualifies he’s a crush. He’s certainly cute, even if he’s not exactly my type. I don’t think the feeling is mutual, but I honestly couldn’t care less. It’s like having your very first crush in junior high. We’re always nice to each other, send each other messages and being thoughtful about each other. We even opened up to each other a little.

As I said that the feeling is not mutual. He sees me as a friend, and he’s acting like that too. I know that I have a special place in his mind (because he shows his interest), and that’s enough.

Why do I still feel good about this even though the feeling is not mutual? Because for the first time ever, I have a crush on a nice guy. I had been having crushes on jerks for a long time that I forgot how good it felt to have a crush on a nice guy. Yes, he sees me as a friend, no I’m not his type (he likes brunettes) and no we’ll never be together; but these are all okay. Because having a crush on him is like the proof that I’m capable of recognizing something and someone good if it comes along my way.

In my previous post, I had mentioned another crush and he was just like the other crushes that I previously had. Devastatingly attractive, yet so snooty. This one is not like that, at all. He’s friendly with almost anyone, all my other friends who know him like him and think of him as a good guy as well. I know that that kind of validation is not necessary while having a crush on someone, but it’s certainly nice that your friends also think that he’s okay. ^___^

Other than my crush, my life is not too bad either. I’m still having problems with my family, and I’m in so much debt. But these are not that important. Because I have a goal that I want to actualize and I’m working toward that goal. Anything else is just noise. Also, I’m meeting with my friends, messaging and keeping in touch with some other friends, I’m reading a lot and I even started to lose some weight. As I said, anything else is just noise. It should be too!

To whomever is reading this, how are you doing? How is your life going so far? I hope that you’re treating yourself kindly. Not being cruel to yourself is the easiest thing to do, but stop doing it if you are in that state of mind right now. Take it from me. Since I started being kind to myself, everything is much better. I hope that you’re doing that too.

Much love.

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My New Job and Other Thoughts…

I have started a new job three months ago. It’s been going well so far. I already have a routine, I’ve been warming up to people since my trial is now over. So, no anxieties for getting attached to people and routines prematurely. However, it’s not all sunshines and giggles.

I still struggle sometimes, mainly because this job is actually proper. No unpaid work after working hours, no cold people, no bitchy bosses and no too much overwork that you feel like you’re suffocating.

I admit that it’s not a job that I want to build a career exactly, but it’s closer and it’s somewhat simple and direct, that’s why I feel like I can work on something, or build something around it.

My boss may be the best boss that I’ve ever worked with. He doesn’t get angry. Even when he criticizes negatively, he doesn’t lose his temper. *knocks wood* My colleagues are okay, I have so minor problems with some of them that I don’t even obsess over it when something annoying happens. And the ones that I completely get along with are the best as well. I feel like this is what a job should be like. Before, I worked at so shitty jobs that, now that I work at a somewhat normal environment, I feel alienated. I think this is one of the reasons that I’m still somewhat lonely.

Yes, I get along with most people, but I don’t have closer friendships. Actually, scratch that. I don’t have friendships, period. There are two or three people that I talk more than the rest, but even with them, I’m mostly thirdwheeling. Because they’ve known each other much longer than I have. And that’s okay.

I already have a small crush on someone, but I’m not letting it affect me or my actions. I’m somewhat reserved towards him and we don’t usually work together a lot which makes it easier for me. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but probably, nothing will happen since I don’t want it and also since he walks around like he’s too cool for school. It’s annoying, but it’s also one of the reasons that I’m attracted to him. Apparently, I have a type. I like snooty people. :/

My paid account is ending in 10 days, so I’ll be back to having wordpress.com to my website address. I haven’t decided whether I’ll renew my paid membership or not. I feel like I don’t need to. Because I don’t use this place too often and when I do, it’s for the simple stuff. I don’t need a paid membership. Yes, paceyringwald.com is a dope address, but since I’m the only nerd who conjoined those two names, I’m almost certain that noone will use the website address. Fingers crossed.

Having said that, I should post more often. Actually, I should post. XD I’m being lazy, I should be more proactive.

So, this is a post.

What is everyone doing? Drop me a line if you’re there!

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My Year in Books

I have read more books this year since high school. It’s not a lot compared to other users on Goodreads. But I will still say that I am happy with my results. Some of the books that I’ve read have really been stuck with me. Like A Man Called Ove. I honestly didn’t think that I’d love reading the story; but it was simple, effortless yet sweetly complicated. The most challenging book was In Search of Lost Time. As you may already know, the book is monstrous for one. For second, the language was tough to crack even though I read it in Turkish which is my native language. And for three, I’m not big on portrayals and In Search of Lost Time was full of them!

Here’s a link to my Goodreads Year in Books. I hope you’ll like the books as much as I did. Because I was never disappointed of any book that I read this year. ^__^

 

I have left my job!

I quit my job two weeks ago. For the last two weeks, I have been free. Yes, I still have my freelance translator job. But I work from home for it, and also my freelance job is pretty much enjoyable. So I’m not suffering anymore.

For first few days of my freedom, I wasn’t exactly free. I was still getting messages and phone calls from the office, but now they’re gone also. My phone now only rings for good news. ^__^

I haven’t been able to focus on my freelance job due to being home and being home used to mean being lazy. But slowly I’m getting rid of that mood as well. This weekend, I’ll be cramming for my freelance job and when I create a routine, it’ll be even better.

I’ll be paid less and will be home more. But what’s wrong with these options? I can always go out to take walks, meet my friends more freely without my day job like I’m chained to it.

So this is better and I feel better. And I’m actually more eager to work than before. For my freelance job of course. 🙂

I think I’ll be on the job hunt after a month and when I completed the heaviest workload for freelance job. But I won’t be applying to any job that would make me miserable. So, no more assistant jobs where the job doesn’t even cover my interests. I’ll be looking for jobs where I can write, where I can actually socialize with people and where I can actually be happy and work for years. And if that doesn’t happen, oh well. I’ll start studying for PhD admissions for next Spring anyway, so there won’t be big loss. True that I’ll have less money coming in and I’ll have to adjust to that. But even that’s a better option than working at a job that would make me miserable.

Wish me luck!

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Cold cold cold

Istanbul’s been very cold for a few days. It’s not freezing my ass off cold, but it’s certainly there’s a chill in my bones cold. Maybe I’m getting sick? I don’t know.

Today I have a job interview. The company that I have the interview with is a small lovely place that I frequently shop from. I hope that it goes  well and I can quit my current job. Because this place always puts me on edge. I always have anxiety about something and this is getting tiring. It’s also one of the reasons that I’m always somehow physically sick. It’s affecting my mind and my body.

Weird thing: The place that called me for interview. I haven’t applied to any positions for them in a long time. Like, my last job application was three years ago. THREE YEARS! A lot happened in those three years. I wonder why they decided to call me for an interview. But hey, I’m not complaining. If it is going to save me from this job, I’m all here for it.

I don’t want to put too high expectations for this interview but I can’t help myself. There is a possibility that I’ll work for a great place in a good position and I’m so excited for it! I hope that it goes all well and I’ll get the job.

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Just saying…

I used to think that people who had secretarial jobs had it easy. Just answering phones, organizing calendars and stocking office supplies.

Boy, was I wrong?

Imagine. Your two phones are always ringing, your bosses and every other employer is asking for plane tickets, otel reservations, orders, the paper that they had their hands the other day, anything really. And meanwhile, guests are coming, mails are always coming because e-mails are 2010 right now and snail mail is the way. Not to mention, there’s a ton of paperwork that needs to be finished. But it’s impossible because everyone assumes that you have no job and no qualification whatsoever. You’re one step away from carrying food plates. Because that random employee doesn’t want to eat in the kitchen.

Me? I don’t need to imagine.

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I’ve been living this nightmare for five months now. And hopefully, soon, I’ll be ending this nightmare while dropping the mic on everyone.

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People who have secretarial jobs. Next time, you open that phone line with an exasperated tone, I will only appreciate you and do my best to make your job easier.

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This has been a post.

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Okay, we got that one…

There will be spoilers for the last episode of Game of Thrones and for the books of A Song of Ice and Fire…

So proceed with caution…

 

 

You’re good? Then let’s go…

At the last episode of Game of Thrones, we finally saw Jon Snow, bastard of Winterfell, but the true king of Westeros (according to Gilly anyway), petting Drogon. But according to books, it’s strongly hinted that there will be three riders of three dragons.

In the previous seasons, when Tyrion interacted with Viserion and Rhaegal, I was jumping with joy. Tyrion was going to be one of the riders of the dragons. But this season? Nothing.

One theory is that dragons only allow people who has Targaryen blood. But in the books, that’s not necessary. In the books, there’s also a character who interacts with the dragons and don’t get burned. I don’t remember the character’s name but he was from the South and had no chance of being a Targaryen.

Although, there is also a theory Tywin hated Tyrion not only because he was a dwarf but also a bastard of Targaryen, but I don’t want to believe that.

In my opinion, books should be more inside of the shows and should show us Tyrion interacting with the dragons again. And maybe a glimpse of a future where Daenerys, Jon and Tyrion ride the three dragons. The Iron Throne does not have to belong to one person after all.