Today, I’m 32

Today I’m 32. I think, I’m at the age when Sex and the City characters were first introduced. When I first watched the show, I was in my early twenties and the characters looked so mature and… old to be honest. When they referred to a man as a cutie, I was disgusted. Because those men were also old. Too old.

Now, when I look back and remember the pilot, Carrie looks like a teenager to me. And Steve is not that gross, he’s quite cute actually.

Today I’m 32 and I know that it’s not that big of a deal, but it feels like it is. Those late late twenties mentality is almost gone and I feel mature enough to lead myself. Until this year, I let anyone decide for me. From now on, I don’t want to do that.

I’m not saying that I know myself now. I’m still starting something, but I know better some things. Unfortunately not everything. But at least, I know what to expect from myself and from others.

I know that my closest friend won’t be celebrating my birthday and that’s okay. She’s dealing with a huge loss. I also know that another close friend of mine will forget the day, because she has problems that I couldn’t possibly compare.

What I have written so far, sounds like a big nonsense. But it means something to me and I’d love to remember this day when I realized that I know few things about myself. Even though, not about world. I’m still too young. Maybe I always will be.

 

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