Noone is as important as my health. No cute guy is worth of my health. I should seek out the people who will notice when I am gone, when I don’t show up for dinner, when I don’t call them. Noone is worthy of mental and physical health.
I should remember this. I should remind myself of this every day. If a person will be one of my people, they will find me. I shouldn’t always be the one to reach out, I shouldn’t be the only one who keeps on trying.
I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted because of the last three months. No more though.
If a person will be my person, they will come to me. If not, they didn’t want to be my friend or more than friends in the first place. I was just there, I just convenient.
Well, I don’t want that. I don’t want to be anyone’s second best. I don’t want to be anyone’s back-up plan. So from now on, I will act like that too.
From now on, I will not try, I will not struggle to be more than anything that I am not. My mind can’t just take it. Just like it was once said in a song, I have my books and my poetry to protect me. Also, I am not completely alone. I still have some people. New people are the ones that exhaust me, the ones that I always reach out to mean more. So why bother? I was okay before them and I will be okay after them.
This is just work, this is just office. It doesn’t have to mean more than anything than it really is.
I just want to feel okay again. I just want to feel happy, and whole again.