Istanbul’s been very cold for a few days. It’s not freezing my ass off cold, but it’s certainly there’s a chill in my bones cold. Maybe I’m getting sick? I don’t know.
Today I have a job interview. The company that I have the interview with is a small lovely place that I frequently shop from. I hope that it goes well and I can quit my current job. Because this place always puts me on edge. I always have anxiety about something and this is getting tiring. It’s also one of the reasons that I’m always somehow physically sick. It’s affecting my mind and my body.
Weird thing: The place that called me for interview. I haven’t applied to any positions for them in a long time. Like, my last job application was three years ago. THREE YEARS! A lot happened in those three years. I wonder why they decided to call me for an interview. But hey, I’m not complaining. If it is going to save me from this job, I’m all here for it.
I don’t want to put too high expectations for this interview but I can’t help myself. There is a possibility that I’ll work for a great place in a good position and I’m so excited for it! I hope that it goes all well and I’ll get the job.
There will be spoilers for the last episode of Game of Thrones and for the books of A Song of Ice and Fire…
So proceed with caution…
You’re good? Then let’s go…
At the last episode of Game of Thrones, we finally saw Jon Snow, bastard of Winterfell, but the true king of Westeros (according to Gilly anyway), petting Drogon. But according to books, it’s strongly hinted that there will be three riders of three dragons.
In the previous seasons, when Tyrion interacted with Viserion and Rhaegal, I was jumping with joy. Tyrion was going to be one of the riders of the dragons. But this season? Nothing.
One theory is that dragons only allow people who has Targaryen blood. But in the books, that’s not necessary. In the books, there’s also a character who interacts with the dragons and don’t get burned. I don’t remember the character’s name but he was from the South and had no chance of being a Targaryen.
Although, there is also a theory Tywin hated Tyrion not only because he was a dwarf but also a bastard of Targaryen, but I don’t want to believe that.
In my opinion, books should be more inside of the shows and should show us Tyrion interacting with the dragons again. And maybe a glimpse of a future where Daenerys, Jon and Tyrion ride the three dragons. The Iron Throne does not have to belong to one person after all.
Today I’m 32. I think, I’m at the age when Sex and the City characters were first introduced. When I first watched the show, I was in my early twenties and the characters looked so mature and… old to be honest. When they referred to a man as a cutie, I was disgusted. Because those men were also old. Too old.
Now, when I look back and remember the pilot, Carrie looks like a teenager to me. And Steve is not that gross, he’s quite cute actually.
Today I’m 32 and I know that it’s not that big of a deal, but it feels like it is. Those late late twenties mentality is almost gone and I feel mature enough to lead myself. Until this year, I let anyone decide for me. From now on, I don’t want to do that.
I’m not saying that I know myself now. I’m still starting something, but I know better some things. Unfortunately not everything. But at least, I know what to expect from myself and from others.
I know that my closest friend won’t be celebrating my birthday and that’s okay. She’s dealing with a huge loss. I also know that another close friend of mine will forget the day, because she has problems that I couldn’t possibly compare.
What I have written so far, sounds like a big nonsense. But it means something to me and I’d love to remember this day when I realized that I know few things about myself. Even though, not about world. I’m still too young. Maybe I always will be.
I am a body dysmorphic without the dysmorphic. I am a bulimic without the sick. I am fat. – Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary (TV show)
I will be 32 on May 16th. When I was stretching this morning, I just realized. After years and years of torturing my body while losing and gaining weight, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to lose weight and be that strong and healthy woman that I know that I can be. But right now, I’m also happy the way I am. Yes, I have a lot of extra on my body but that doesn’t mean that I’m any less. I know that I will lose all of that extra some day, but in the mean time, I’ll continue to be me. Not someone imperfect just because she has some extra.
I used to read those articles where women embraced their bodies by the time they were in their thirties and I couldn’t believe them. Not having the perfect body and still feeling yourself beautiful. No way in seven hells. But this morning, I realized that this was the case for me as well. Years of shunning myself from the clothes that I wanted to wear seems like a waste now. Or not going to gym just because I didn’t look the part. It was all ridiculous. And for nothing.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have my body issues. I still identify with that quote from My Mad Fat Diary. But in the mean time, I know that I’m alright. And if I go to gym, it’s to be healthy. Not to be perfect.
I hope that you’ll get your realizations too someday. Because it’s worth it.