Almost 32 and happy about it

I am a body dysmorphic without the dysmorphic. I am a bulimic without the sick. I am fat. – Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary (TV show)

I will be 32 on May 16th. When I was stretching this morning, I just realized. After years and years of torturing my body while losing and gaining weight, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to lose weight and be that strong and healthy woman that I know that I can be. But right now, I’m also happy the way I am. Yes, I have a lot of extra on my body but that doesn’t mean that I’m any less. I know that I will lose all of that extra some day, but in the mean time, I’ll continue to be me. Not someone imperfect just because she has some extra.

I used to read those articles where women embraced their bodies by the time they were in their thirties and I couldn’t believe them. Not having the perfect body and still feeling yourself beautiful. No way in seven hells. But this morning, I realized that this was the case for me as well. Years of shunning myself from the clothes that I wanted to wear seems like a waste now. Or not going to gym just because I didn’t look the part. It was all ridiculous. And for nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. I still have my body issues. I still identify with that quote from My Mad Fat Diary. But in the mean time, I know that I’m alright. And if I go to gym, it’s to be healthy. Not to be perfect.

I hope that you’ll get your realizations too someday. Because it’s worth it.

Francie Nolan in the beginning

I used to lie. When I was a kid, I lied all the time. Now I don’t even know why. Maybe it was because reality was too harsh for a kid like me. So, I lied.

When I read A Tree Grown in Brooklyn, there was a part where Francie lied and her teacher recommended her to write stories instead of lying. This was a big realization for me. I was about twelve and I was lying a lot and the exact thing was happening to a girl in a novel that I had been reading. After that my habit of lying slowly diminished. I was telling a white lie sometimes, but mostly I preferred telling the truth.

Now, nearly 20 years later, I’m a terrible liar but excellent lie detector. Because I was once a liar, I don’t know how I got bad at lying. Once I stopped, I didn’t want to go back there again. And after years and years of not lying, I forgot how to.

I think, when we are growing up, we learn how to lie. But, for me, since I was a liar in the beginning, I needed to learn how to tell the truth.

So, this is something about me and my childhood.

First post…

Hello!

Someone told me that WordPress is very important and I should start a blog in here. This is what I’m doing right now.

What will you find in this blog?

Mostly books and television shows. Lots of photography. Sometimes notes on depression since I’m battling with it.

I guess, that’s that.

Here’s a gif of Steve Rogers. I’m ready for this!

captainamericasbodyisready