I am a body dysmorphic without the dysmorphic. I am a bulimic without the sick. I am fat. – Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary (TV show)
I will be 32 on May 16th. When I was stretching this morning, I just realized. After years and years of torturing my body while losing and gaining weight, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to lose weight and be that strong and healthy woman that I know that I can be. But right now, I’m also happy the way I am. Yes, I have a lot of extra on my body but that doesn’t mean that I’m any less. I know that I will lose all of that extra some day, but in the mean time, I’ll continue to be me. Not someone imperfect just because she has some extra.
I used to read those articles where women embraced their bodies by the time they were in their thirties and I couldn’t believe them. Not having the perfect body and still feeling yourself beautiful. No way in seven hells. But this morning, I realized that this was the case for me as well. Years of shunning myself from the clothes that I wanted to wear seems like a waste now. Or not going to gym just because I didn’t look the part. It was all ridiculous. And for nothing.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have my body issues. I still identify with that quote from My Mad Fat Diary. But in the mean time, I know that I’m alright. And if I go to gym, it’s to be healthy. Not to be perfect.
I hope that you’ll get your realizations too someday. Because it’s worth it.